Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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