I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
