Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
