this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
