turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
