If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They have beer where we have blood.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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