What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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