i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
