I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
