So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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