I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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