i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
