You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
