There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My ass is underappreciated
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
