did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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