You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my liver is dry heaving
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
