Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
