So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The struggles of a small town man whore
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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