That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
