I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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