also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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