you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
