I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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