i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
