We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
