Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
