i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
