Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
