I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize