saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
