i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry my hands just texted you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
