if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
