OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
