when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize