best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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