I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
