This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
