He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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