You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
