Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
