Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
