Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
