HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
