I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
