Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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