Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
