I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
