Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
