Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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