I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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