why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
