i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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