you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
