Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
