I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i think i just lost a toe
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize