I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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