The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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