closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
