he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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