I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can text with my tongue
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
