well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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