last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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