Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
