I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize