does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
