sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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