dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
