Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
