please come you make the beer taste better
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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