sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
