4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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