I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
