i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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