I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
