that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
