You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
