Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
