ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
