You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize