i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
