just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
