Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
