I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
