Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
