So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
