it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
