Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
