I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
