dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize