Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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