His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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