Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
