If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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