I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
