3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
