Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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