i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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