wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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