I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize