just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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