he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
