I want to stick my p in your. b.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize