My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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