New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Congratulations! We have a period
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