she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
