Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
