Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
