u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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