my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
