mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Pooping to opera.
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