Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im part way to drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
