if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize