I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
