We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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