Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
