Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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