I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
