We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
