I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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