do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
