the condom got lost in my hair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
