it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
