don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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