What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
