It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
